Wild

A thousand horse and none to ride! -
With flowing tail, and flying mane,
Wide nostrils never stretched by pain,
Mouths bloodless to the bit or rein,
And feet that iron never shod,
And flanks unscarred by spur or rod,
A thousand horse, the wild, the free,
Like waves that follow o'er the sea,
Came thickly thundering on,...
~Lord Byron, XVII, Mazeppa, 1818

I am constantly grateful to know a horse, to look deep into their eyes and feel a connection to their soul. I know the freedom felt from a horse’s back with the fury of thundering hooves. I know how in the summer their coats glisten and the scent is warm. In the winter their coats grow long and their bodies grow fat. I know how to exist at peace in the same space as a horse and to control my emotions because they directly influence a horse’s. I know the feel of a saddle and the confidence I’ve gained. I know how to gather their mane in my hands and hold on tight. I know horses are a perfect metaphor for how we should live, brave and strong and boundless in forward motion. All of this I know because I’ve been granted a gift. However, this gift of domesticated horses comes at a price. Wild horses are quickly becoming a thing of the past. More and more their numbers are shrinking and their futures are becoming uncertain. A year and a half ago I spent a day in the Kiamichi mountains with a man named Bryant Rickman. He was doing amazing work to conserve a bloodline of Spanish Mustangs and allowing them to remain mostly in their wild, natural state of freedom. But even as I got to see the herds and peek in on their instinctual ways of life, logging companies were demolishing their habitat and they were slowly being forced off the mountain they lived on. Yesterday I met two girls who are also doing great work to rescue wild mustangs. The horses are smart and hold so much potential, a lot of them will be great with people but still I long for there to always be a place for horses to run free...

Sadness

"It is such a secret place, the land of tears."
-The Little Prince


Sadness… I think we all know a little too much about sadness. In its universal ability to affect us, it is still very unique to the individual. Grief, in particular, is a deep ravine where no one can anticipate how they will handle the terrain.
For me, the death of my mother has been an unmerciful teacher in the lessons of sadness. Every sadness since her absence has balled itself back into that one cold, hard truth of my life. She’s gone and it is often unbearable.
I have this silent fear that despite all I’ve been blessed with, and no matter how good life can (and does), become, I will always find it to be just unsuccessful attempts to assuage her loss.
That being said however; is just an aspect of this journey that I’m on, that we’re all on. Deep down, I do know how beautiful life is and I know how lucky I am. It takes effort and time, but more and more, I am seeing that the good things are not attempts of atonement but rather, proof of how strong love is. No matter how fleeting time can be, love will continue ever strong. My mother is there in everything that I do and all that I become. She is the strength I have and the work ethic. She is the mind and the stability. She is the determination. I owe so much to her and as hard as it is for her to be gone, I know she has given me so much so that I may live my life and succeed. .
Yes, sadness invades a great deal of my emotions. It used to be constant and expected, but now it has evolved into using guerilla warfare and showing up in rushed surprise assault. I don’t exactly know which is worse but I do know that I am learning how to fight back.

Fashion

"Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening,"
Coco Chanel

The other night I put on a dress, quite possibly, the most beautiful dress I’ve ever owned, and for a rare evening, I felt glamorous. It is funny that fabric and thread can do that for a person. But what it can’t do, what you have to do for yourself, is decide to possess inner confidence, to believe in yourself, your worth, your future, and strut toward it with the confidence of a girl in those high heels and satin. I think I’ve always held a good grasp on that inner confidence. What I struggle with, is my confidence in the outer. It can’t be dismissed completely. It is important to feel like you look good, but so many people do get caught up. That becomes the sole factor in one’s entire focus or mood, me included on many days. We need to realize that we are simply blessed to be alive, to breathe air into our lungs and gaze at the stars. The other night, I was lucky to be surrounded by wonderful friends at a wedding. We were in a vineyard reminiscent of Italy but it glowed under an immense Oklahoma night sky. We laughed and caught up and I tried to savor the moment and be happy. We are given such a gift to be here, to be alive. Underneath the glitz and glamour or even mundane and everyday, of moments or places, is what is truly important, the relationships and the life we are gifted. We need to keep focused on what matters, and it’s not how we’re dressed or they way we look. What matters are our goals, our determination, and most of all, our hearts. The other night was a testament to that. I am so thankful for what and more importantly, who, I’ve been given. It was just a bonus to feel pretty in a blue dress.

Bonfire

“When you do something, you should burn yourself up completely, like a good bonfire, leaving no trace of yourself,”
-Shunryu Suzuki

Throughout the summer my friends and I started to have bonfire parties out in my pasture. They were usually full of crazy antics and held a sense of freedom from a populated and hectic life. Most of my friends don’t get the chance to just be in nature and spend time with grass at their feet and the moon shining down (or even an exhilarating rain, as we once had at one of the parties). These parties served a stereotypical sense of debauchery but they also solidified the feeling of being young and I am often reminded of how fleeting this feeling can be. Though, summer is especially good at bringing them to the surface. We’re having one this coming weekend to ring in fall and I think it will be good to be together and relish in the disappearing warmth. I also hope that the people who come take a moment to savor the environment and this time in their lives. We’re young and we have so much potential. We are incredibly lucky and to have this time together is a gift. We need to be strong and full of purpose in our actions. I want to have a life that is continuous in seeking purpose and I want to drink life in with a clear mind and an open heart. I hope I always remember these times as well. I hope to think on them fondly in the winter and then the following years of my life. I want to be in the moment and savor it. I hope I always try to take the time to do that and be cognizant of how to live fully and warmly like a fire burning bright and with a strong fury, under the expanse of stars on a summer night…

Fall

"Then summer fades and passes and October comes. We'll smell smoke then,
and feel an unexpected sharpness, a thrill of nervousness, swift elation, a
sense of sadness and departure."
- Thomas Wolfe

So, on this, the first official day of Fall, I feel it necessary to acknowledge its arrival in an attempt to be gracious. Fall is bittersweet for me in many ways. The weather is near perfect, the colors are beautiful and opportunities in adventure abound. All of this speaks directly to my soul and is, or at least should be, invigorating, but still, fall and I are often at odds with one another. I suppose it may have begun innately, as a child who relished in summer vacations, school always returned along with fall, and so too did it signify winter approaching. As someone who has grown up caring for horses, Winter has always been tough. If you've ever had to fill up water buckets in your bathtub because your outside faucet is frozen, you'll know the pains that winter brings....If you live in Oklahoma where we get more ice than snow and fear cabin fever and being stuck inside your house like I do, you will also understand...So fall has always carried a sense of foreboding, of a downward spiral into Winter, but I suppose my real fear of this season began years ago with a few unfortunate times in my life that seemed to coincide with fall and then winter..... Then the most heartbreaking was the loss of my mother in December of 2006. From that point on, this time of year held the heartbreak that summer has been increasingly therapeutic for. I know that each fall is getting better but there will always be that fear. I am seeking to balance it with the joy brought to me by beautiful weather. I am being proactive about filing my time with adventure so that I may carry the possibility of summer into the cold months. It is a matter of preservation...

Journalist

~ I became a journalist to come as close as possible to the heart of the world. ~
Henry R. Luce


I always Knew I wanted to write and I wanted to leave the world a better place. Then I decided to fuse those two ideas and become a journalist. I believe everyone has a story and that the world is a beautiful place, even amidst the heartbreak. I want to show people this beauty and tell these stories. For everyone, but primarily, for those that can't speak for themselves. They are our true charge and responsibility as journalists. The voiceless need the world to be aware. People must have access to what is going on outside of individual spheres of influence in order to understand situations on the other side of the world, and then to take that awareness and act upon it. that is the most important thing; act upon what you know and use your own talents to affect positive change. If that is writing or math or people skills or art. No matter, use it and find a way to do what you love and to leave the world a better place.
I have been inspired by many amazing people in my career. One of the most influential is Dan Eldon, he was a photojournalist killed in Somalia in the early 90s and his work did amazing things to bring awareness to the situation going on there. He was killed at the age of 22 but his life story continues to inspire people to use this idea of creative activism and personal ability to change the world. He made me want to be a journalist and make use of my love of writing the way he did of his photography. His untimely death reminds us all to live fully and with purpose. Do what we love and love others. Make your life one that reflects the beauty of the world. I hope I can help show that to the world.

Horses

"The wind of Heaven is that which blows between a horse's ears." -Arabian Proverb

Horses have always meant freedom to me. As a kid I was lucky enough to get my first horse and have been enraptured by them ever since. There is something unexplainable about a girl's bond with a horse. It is that perfect meeting between strength and grace. To know a horse is to know what is wild and beautiful in ourselves. Their every movement is poetry and there is something to be said for the way they can transport a mere mortal into a flying vessel of perfection. if you have ever smelled a horse's smooth coat on a summer evening or ridden astride one in a thrilling competition, or wrapped your arms around their long slender necks and pressed your face in their course yet silky manes, then you know the power of a horse. I firmly believe they are our link to sheer abandon and that to have a horse in your life, you are given a rare gift of strength and opportunity. As a child, a horse became that opportunity to me. They taught me to be brave and to take chances. They helped me to be strong and free. My two horses are a huge part of my life. My horse Harley saw me through most of my childhood, from age 11 to now that I am grown. She is getting on in her years but still as beautiful as ever. My horse Coaltrain is 10 years old and I've had him since he was a baby. He is unpredictable and a handful but he has a deeply connected ability to love. He is immensely attached to Harley and myself and the two of them make me incredibly happy. I cherish looking out my backdoor and seeing them grazing in the field. I am reminded of my childhood and I am reminded of possibility and what it feels like to be free all because they are in my life.